I have no qualms about admitting that for years I was always craving emotionally. Not in an insane desperate manner, but just the way most of us do (I guess so)
I always wanted someone to be around me to make me happy, feel loved and wanted to fulfil my emotional needs through others, be it husband, friends, family anyone.
There is no harm in it though to accept our humanness.Emotional needs and insecurities are all part of human nature even if we don’t want to accept them personally or publically.
Since we are kids our parents take care of all our emotional needs, love, comfort support etc and that is why we never develop the habit of emotional self-reliance.
Because I was emotionally so dependent on my relationships, I was going through a lot of problems. As all my expectations were from people in my life and I was not seeking beyond my expectations of love, happiness, support, reassurance.
I would feel horrible if I would not be included or was cut out from things which we had been doing together, could not take the void in my life and was always looking for distractions, was always on my phone even when I would be alone and the list was long.
Actually, the whole job on my behalf was to accept myself, good or ugly all of it. Since this realisation struck in, I took significant steps on the practice of self-reliance and this positively changed my life.
Not that I am a completely changed person but am definitely getting better to what I was, as now I was not expecting to be perfect or have a perfect life and relationships.
Self reliance started when I completely started believing that “Happiness is not outside me, its within me”.
- Learnt to fix my own problems- had to accept that can’t expect every time my friends and family will stand by me & help me get out of it.
- If I was bored- went to a dance class or for a run, took up some craft activity, but stopped expecting from my people to keep me entertained all the time.
- If I was lonely and hurt- started comforting myself, worked out on the equations, but stopped expecting that my friends and family will come and reassure me every time.Infact started reassuring my own self.
- Stopped being reliant on my family and friends for solutions to problems in my life- Started taking responsibility for things on my own.
We need to accept the fact that nothing lasts forever. The sooner we accept it the better for our self-development. Accept the fact that people come and people go, there will be always phases in your life where you will be all alone, friends disappoint but don’t blame, try to be your own best friend and vent it out to your own self.
We very quickly get attached to people, things, memories, but we do need to realise that we will lose them one day. Once we have this acceptance then only we can appreciate what we have in our life.
Build your own happiness. The most intimate relationship is the relationship with the self. Build and plough this relationship. Spend time on your own, doing things you enjoy, spend time with yourself and look for the pleasure of your own company. This will set a foundation for inner balance. Focus on your assets than your objects of insecurities; this will lead to a higher self-esteem.
Adopt the attitude of a passenger who tries to make the most out of every single minute of his travel.
When you do that, you’re not only self-reliant but also appreciative of life.
Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses.
Not being attached does not mean we don’t love our family and friends but we should not get dependent on them for our social, emotional and spiritual well being. It definitely means not to attach yourself to the inorganic and materialistic things in life.
- Learn to like your own noise.
- Get to know yourself.
- Not the person you’d like to be, or the person you longed you were, and not the person you deceive yourself into believing you are, but the real you.
- Meet head-on the “bad” “worse” you first. List your weakness, know your limitations, and know what you dislike.
- Be honest with yourself. Accept the fact that life is not a competition, and the only one you have to make happy is you. Only when you are happy with yourself, you will be happy with someone else!
- Fall in love with love.Trust yourself.
- Get a mirror and smile into it. Navigate through your feelings and thoughts.
It requires practice. And once you develop this practice you will be liberated in a beautiful world of self-confidence and assurance.