I am not CRAZY I am mourning the loss of my Dog

My 5 month old puppy” CARBON” passed away around midnight and I could not trace the reasons behind it.This came as the biggest shock as he was one of the most active pug puppy I had ever seen.

I am in bits.

He was done with all his vaccinations, I would give him his baths regularly, brush him daily, wipe his face with wet wipes after every meal and did every possible thing to take care of him,in fact would tell my friends I feel I have become a mum for the second time.

IMG_0931I realized I was crying harder than I had in years, my grief was so intense, it felt as if a part of me had been taken out and torn away.I cried in fits and jerks,and was so heartbroken.I still am ,nothing will ever replace his unconditional love.

I took all his toys, balls and his CAR (which he was most fond of) kept them in the drawer safely. I was so frantically crying, my domestic help quickly removed his eating bowls and his other belongings so that I could not see any.

I kept flipping through his crazy pictures of every occasion and videos, and I am still trying to get used to a TOO QUIET and a TOO clean home.

I feel all of a sudden the days are so longer and evenings are so dull.He would keep me busy all the time and I was learning so much from him on how to loosen up and just live in the moment.

I was learning how to let go and just enjoy every small thing that life offered,I was still in the learning process before he left .

My life will never be the same as a part of me left with “Carbon”.IMG_0090

To love a dog is to truly know the meaning of unconditional love. With them is a deep relationship and it doesn’t carry the baggage that human relationships carry.”Carbon” being a 5 month old puppy one day came and licked my tears and that day my bond with him grew far stronger. We became such wonderful friends,from that day onwards his sloppy kisses never stopped,and me being his Mamma he would always be with me just like my shadow .

I had enough support from my family and friends who could really understand my pain and loss. Everyone did give me that time to grief.And I strongly believe that everyone should be given enough time to grieve without any judgement.

In the back of our minds, some believe that they shouldn’t be grieving so much for a pet, which is made worse by the  cultural stigma associated with grief and losing our companion animals.The worst thing you can hear is ”it was only a dog,you can always get another one” I strongly recommend to avoid people with such an attitude.

The truth is, the strongest thing I can do is to allow myself the space to cry, to process my emotions, to experience the pain which means that the connection we shared was real, strong & unconditional.

And I do believe that the amount of love, affection and companionship that Carbon gave me in these 5 months, is certainly worth my grieving.

Those memories will always be there, They’ll never fade.I am still cherishing the warm and funny memories we created.

Rest In Peace my precious little Carbon.And finally breathe and play like you used to.

                       All I can ask from god is to give him his little car to play with.IMG_4033

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23 thoughts on “I am not CRAZY I am mourning the loss of my Dog

  1. Shilpa Garg

    A BIG hug to you, Sheetal. I can understand your pain. Carbon was like a baby, a guggu baby for you. Guess he had come in your life to share his unconditional love. Just remember that he has not left you. He will live on in the memories of the love and affection he gave you. Stay strong and a BIG hug to you ♥

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  2. Now I am crying with you. I completely understand and can´t imagine not having my Dot around. I don´t care what people say, it is like losing a child. No one would say, you can get another one if that was the case. Take time to grieve. Eventually, you will stop crying and be thankful for all the joy he gave you. RIP Carbon.

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  3. theamusedmouth

    I’m so sorry Sheetal, believe me, I understand! I recommend an autopsy because many “breeders” are selling problem puppies because they can make a lot of money and not take very good care of the parents or the conditions. When people see a cute puppy they often do not think of where they were born and reared. My most sincere sympathy for your loss.

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  4. Megha

    To be honest sheetl i thought it was just another blog u ve written
    Never realized it was carbon. I also pray god to give him his car to play and always keep him under his loving care.
    No words can give u relief right now. Cry out loud and look at the sky and pray to god. No one can take his place. Be strong and thank carbon for bringing such wonderful moments in your life.
    We luv u sheetal. Please take care.

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    1. Megha thank u for standing by me in my time of grief ! U know how miserable it can be but right now i am just praying to God to keep carbon happy with him and give him lots of toys to play with !

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      1. Take your time Sheetal. Let people speak for they don’t have anything better to do. A person has every right to take time to grieve. Be in your personal space for it’s yours.

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  5. My heart breaks as I read this post. Your little one, Carbon, was such an adorable boy! You take all the time in the world you need to grieve this sudden and unexpected loss from the little man who filled your heart with joy, unconditionally. We had two pugs, Atticus and Eli, for almost 14 years. Such a gift, they were. Their souls are still with us somehow. Dog people will understand you and your very real and tragic feelings. Those who don’t, it’s a shame they do not know of this kind of love. It is very real. My condolences and tears to you. ❤

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